Nov 4, 2009
somehow,i got sick of everything. i felt sick with everything that i saw. i felt damn sick with everything that i read. with everything that i heard,everything that i touched. i don't even feel passionate about anything,anymore. its hard to dealt with my own inner self. i stop looking at everything positively. i start to feel gloomy and solemn and depressed and all of sudden everything feels like, how should i say this, feels like shit. its hard to face the reality when you know that your dreams are being crushed. everybody else seems fine. everybody else seems to moving on. i wanted to. i really do. but i cant feel my legs. and i cant see where am i heading to. its all pitch black. i cant even smile correctly without knowing my smile is crocked. i cant even laugh wholeheartedly when i know my heart is crying. this is sick. maybe i am tired. you know? maybe i had it enough already. I'm done. i felt like my hard work, my pain, my strength all been took away and i couldn't do anything about it. and there i was. just stood there, staring blankly without fighting back, coz i know,i never could have won this fight. shit. i should fight back,i think. i should have the strength and courage to fight back. but, not yet. this isn't the time yet. and when the time comes, I'll speak. I'll speak as loud as i can so you can hear me. so the world can hear me, notice me, realize that I'm right here. I'll get out. but for now, let me just sit here quietly. let me do this properly. let me face this with all the strength i have left. let me just be strong for myself, just for once, coz everyday i felt like i wanted to end this misery. this is depressing. and please, i don't need you for judgement. i don't need you for pointing out my wrong. i just need to find myself. and i wish i could do this. even though the world has turn his back on you, you still need to move on. and you need to be strong. aite?