sakitnye cinta ye??

Love? Love is totally many hurtful things wasnt it? Akhir-akhir ni ramai sangat kawan aku yang percintaan diorg putus tgh jalan. Sakit,memang sakit kan? Sakit sangat bile tengah malam kite terfikir sal dia, sakit bila kenangan die semua nya macam flashback kat dalam memori ni. Tp entahla. Bagi aku semua tu depends. Depends kat diri kita macam mana nak corakkan cinta kita. Everything depends kat diri sendiri. Aku tak la pro dalam berbicara soal hati dan perasaan ni,tapi kawan aku penah cakap yang aku good listener and good observer. Maybe aku senang tok luahkan perasaan dan pendapat aku pada orang len. Jadi,at the end,aku end up jadi tempat luahan hati. Aku serious tak kesah. Bagi aku yang pernah teringin tok mendalami ilmu pyscology ni,aku amek sume tu tok jadi ilmu. But one thing yang aku belajar dari kawan-kawan aku ni, that is

"love is to let go".

Seriously. Nampak macam simple,tapi impaknya sangat maksima. Kalo kau betulla cintakan seseorang itu,ko kena lepaskan die pergi. Cinta takkan jadi kalo hanya bertepuk sebelah tangan. Kalo itu yang die nak,dan kalo ko betul2 sayangkan dia,maka lepaskan die pergi. Most of my friends probs, they cant let go yet. Tak boleh nk lepas. Tak boleh nk lupa. Tak boleh nk hilang. Tak boleh. Tak boleh. Tak boleh. Thats it. Tu je ayat yg asyik diorg cakap. Susah la yan. Its hard. Tapi kenala usaha. Takkan xley sampai bila-bila. Takkan nk hidup dalam fantasi sampai ke tua? This is not a drama. This is reality. Live with it. Life never be nice to you. You just have to be strong. (sorry grammar cam siot.) Memang,memang aku cakap senang. Tapi kadang-kadang,korg yg mintak pendapat aku. Korang mengadu kat aku. Abes tu,xkan aku nk cakap, its ok dear. Sabar yek? No! Aku takkan cakap camtu. Kalo korunk rasa sedih,ok, menangis. Menangis sekuat hati. Selama mungkin. Menangisla,kalo itu dapat legakan hati ko. tp once ko dah berhenti menangis,jangan menangis lagi. Janji dgn aku. Tu je. Aku just nk janji. kalo ko xdapat nk get over her/him,ok. Fine. Chase her. Kejar die. Tackle hati die macam mane ko tackle die dulu. But once die tolak,ko kena berhenti. Be a true man/woman. Janji dgn aku. Tu je. bile ko dah janji,its one step towards changing. at least ko ada la gak nk brubah. ok la tu. janji ko ada niat.

Jangan hidup dalam kenangan. Sakit. Korunk xsakit ke? Berbulan-bulan makan hati,xsakit ke? Dia dah gembira,makan nasi,korunk makan hati. Aku geram kekadang kawan-kawan dan sahabat handai ni. Aku cakap,jangan. Tapi still degil nk jugak. Ikutkan sangat kata hati tu. Nape? Best sangat ke makan hati? Dia dah berubah. Yes,dulu dia sayang sangat kat ko. sayang gile bangang sampai nyamuk sentuh ko pun die xbagi. Tp tu dulu. Hati manusia kan boley berubah. Sabarla sayang. Terima hakikat ni.boleh?

Ye,aku tau,cakap memang senang. Sampai ada kata “ko xrasa lagi yan. Ce kalo ko clash dgn yus.” Ouch. Aku faham. Aku pun akan jadi mende yang sama kalo aku clash dgn yus. Aku tau susah. Tapi kena la cuba. Kalo dah 2,3 bulan meraung merana,buat pe? Kalo seminggu dua,ok tahan lagi. Sebulan,aku ley accept la. Ni dah berapa lama makan hati? Ko sendri ley kire kan? Aku cakap ni,coz aku concern. Aku sayang g kat kawan2 aku. Bila kawan aku makan hati,darah dari hati die tu terpalit la kat aku gak. Thats why aku mara sangat ni. kalo aku mara,tanda aku sayang. bile aku dah start ignore,sayang tu dah xde. Faham? lagipun,xkan aku nk biar ko makan hati 2,3 tahun kowt? Come on. Bangun. Wake up ok? Jgn terus tido. Xkan xley idup kowt? Ok kawan?

Kepada sesiapa yang terasa,harap maaf ujung kaki sampai ujung rambut. Xkan nk tunggu raya depan. Kena mintak maaf skunk gak. Hehe. Dan ini untuk umum ok. Xde specific tok spe2. Sekian aku membebel.

cooking.

i just having fun cooking my dad's dinner just now. to tell you the truth,i never saw abah cooks anywhere. but still,hari ni mak kat kampung. well,its too obvious she was having fun being there since she got so fed up with all the works at home. but abah gotta work today and yesterday,so i went home with him.

honestly,i was hopeless in cooking. seriously. aku ada lah anak yg paling bongsu kat umah ni,so aku quite lazy to do cooking stuff. sangat2 tak pandai. so,semalam,abah berbuka dengan hidangan dari kak nona. coz i went out with my frens from kmk. seb bek kak nona ada. today,i thought dad was gonna eat out,so i was relaxing in front of this damn comp that got me addicted. tbe2 lak abah kuarkan bawang and kacang pnjg from freezer. aik,xkan abah nk masak kowt? ah sudah. dengan xrela hati aku turun dan tolong abah. haha. dalam hati ngomel gak ah,npe la abah xmakan luar je... see,how lazy i am when i got back? but aku still help abah la.

its weird you see, when 2 hopelessly, clueeless people trying to cook. so funny. i tried recall how moms cook,but i dont think i can remember. (cz i was such a lazy butt!) but still,kitorg dapat gak buat daging masak black pepper kicap dgn sayur goreng. haha abah keeps saying "ape la rasa masakan adek ni..", and "mak mesti gelak kalo dapat tau ni.." eh abah,jangan la gtau mak. kompom mak cite kat makcik2 di kmpg sana. malu la saya.

so safwa,after all the hard work my dad and me put,i still find cooking isnt as interesting as u thought. i still prefer watching other people cook in their all-perfect kitchen,and their perfectly square-cutting-potatoes and dream of making the exact same kitchen one day. cooking is such a hard work. trust me,i know. but,i admit it, hasilnye mesti seronok. sebab memasak ni sama (lebey kurangla~) dgn men piano. haha now this is funny. mula,mmg kena belajar macam mana nak men piano. bile dah expert,kita dah boleh bermain sendiri,tanpa bantuan notes. kan? so,hows you guys experience in cooking?

bored.

aku terasa macam nk wat tagged. coz bosan kan. haha

THE BASICS

And your name is?
azyan azilah bt halimi

How many years are you?
19

Girl or Boy?
i'm a perfectly healthy teenage girl.

The height from your head to your feet?
xtau la. dah kire tp xingat.

What is your heritage?

my comic books.

Whats your zodiac sign?
aries,coz i was born in april 3rd.

Shoe size?
7. aku bukan kaki sampan.

Pants size?
29.

Where were you born?
atas katil

What hospital?
hbkl.

LOVE LIFE

Are you in a relationship?
of course.

Ever been dumped?
thats a very sensitive q.

Do you believe in true love?
ya

What is love?
if you love someone,u'll let him/her go.

Do you love anyone?
yes

Which of your exs are you still friends with?
i got only one ex,and he's still a friend of mine

Would you get back with any of your exs?
no.

Did your exs do drugs or drink?
not to both.

Who are you dating now? (If anyone)
muhammad fairus bin basril

How long have you been dating?
please check the next box ---->

LASTS

Who was your last kiss?
asadullah.

Who did you last hug?
dijah

Who did you last yell at?
kat nabilah. (this all happens when i'm at benta)

Who did you last tell I love you too?
him,of course.

Who was the last one to tell you they loved you?
him also. and that was a few days before.

What was the last thing you said?
"tlg belikan adek prepaid topup!"

When did you last take a shower?
not yet. heh~

Who did you last think about?
hurm,i cant recall.

REGULAR RANDOM QUESTIONS

What shirt are you wearing?
baju ijau. just for at home.

Are you listening to music?
no.

Do you like lead pencils or mechanical pencils?
lead i think. coz lagi sonok tok conteng.

Do you prefer desktop computers or laptops?
laptop. but i never had one. i'm using my sister's.

Do you think you could live without a cell phone?
no. hehe

Do you exercise?
sumtimes. aku skunk baru nk belajar berenang. nk kurus beb!

Are you street smart?
you could say that.

What is/was your favorite class in school?
pyschology,but i never had one.

What do you plan on doing in the next year?
belajar lagi la sayang.

Do you want to get married?
yes. fast. hahaha

Where do you want to be proposed?
anywhere,but he gotta think of something romantic.

Want kids? If so..How many?
yes. 4 kowt. just like my family.

Where would you like to raise a family??
i'm not sure yet.

Who do you love?
family,him,and friends.

How often are you on the computer?
i'm like addicted to it.

Have you mooned or flashed anyone?
no la~ crazy what?

What was your favorite camping experience?
too many. can't remmber lorh.

Do you laugh at just about anything?
yes and no. i was like,having the other side of me you know.

If you could have one super power, what would it be?

i can remember anything that i saw/read even in a split second. that way i could score.

FINISH IT
I want to:
have my own car.

I should be:

a girl that my mom proud of. but i dont.

I wonder:
why i'm not like other people?

Do you think:
people just dont know the real me.

Nobody knows that:
i not as good as they think.

selamat jugak

salam. well,sebab sume blog yg aku folow (almost all la),semua pun wat ucapan selamat hari raya kat blog diorg,so aku pun nk way gak ah. jadi,

SELAMAT HARI RAYA,MAAF ZAHIR DAN BATIN.

kepada,sesiapa yg kenal diri aku ni,aku nk mintak maaf banyak2. well,mulut aku kan straight to the point ckit. dan thanz pada sesiapa yg bagi sms kat aku. aku maleh nk reply,so aku copy paste je blk ucapan aku. hehe

aku akan pulang hari ni,so sape2 yg nk jmpt aku ke rumah mereka,cakap tau. aku free je. dan dak2 smksp yg nk wat reunion tu,kite bncg blk ah cane. nk dtg umah aku pun ok. mak aku kat kmpg. aku la yg masak. kalo keracunan,aku mintak maaf awal2. nnt aku beli pil chit ke ti aun (aku xtau spellg die).

ada pape g? owh ya. kalo aku ada hutang tp lpe nk baya,bek korunk mintak cpt. sebab kalo dah pas raya,hutang kena potong half. haha

neway,aku dalam proses tgh cari umah sewa kat area shah alam. coz sem 2 nanti,kompom2 aku xley tinggal mawar dah. mesti kena kick nye. spe yg ada contact? kalo ley nk umah sebijik la. xmo share2. kalo de,sila bagi mesej kat aku yerk? xpun,coment je kat cni. t aku contact blk.

aku rasa tu je la kowt. oleh sebab sume pun letak gamba family diorg,maka aku pun nk letak gak.

dari kiri belakang : abg,de,angah,atam,bangcik.
dari kiri depan : mak,akak,wan,atok,me!,abah.

things that i wish i knew when i was 17...?

clearly,after reading some magenta point here,aku rasa macam dia btol2 dah wat aku tersentak. yes,what she said is right. aku skunk tgh tol2 dalam dilemma. yes,aku cakap terus-terang,aku mmg xsuka dengan apa yang aku belajar sekarang. i mean,its not like i hate it,but clearly i didnt love it,i just dont dislike. (sorry magenta,pinjam words kamu.) aku faham pe yang aku belajar dalam kelas,tapi camne aku nk cakap yerk. aku xrasa keseronokan tu.

aku faham,ada yang kata aku ni bodoh,tuhan dah bagi peluang tok belajar tu,belajar je la kan. some of my friends even said that maybe ni kehendak tuhan. tuhan lagi tau pe yang bagus untuk kita. but still,aku rasa cam xde,cam ne nak cakap huh,erm.. xde sparkle. korunk faham kan sparkle? ok aku bagi satu example la. macam masa korunk hangat bercinta,dan perasaan seronok tu banyak dah membuak,dan terasa macam ada bunga2 cinta (or whatever that you called it) kat setiap hari korunk. dan bile dah lama2 bercinta,korunk dah rasa jemu. dah rasa bosan. dah hilang sparkle tu. faham x?

macam tu la bila aku maksudkan dengan belajar tapi xde sparkle. learning is (or supposed to be) like falling in love itself. kena ada perasaan seronok tok belajar. kena ada perasaan excited tok memahami pe yg kite belajar. maybe kat sekolah dulu xla terasa nk macam ni kan,but supposed that aku dah kat u skunk,that aku sepatutnya mendalami pe yang aku minat coz kat u,kita belajar lebih terperinci tentang sesuatu perkara, rite? dan bila apa yang kita dapat tu xsehati sejiwa dengan apa yang kita minat,maka perasaan tu macam hilang la. belajar kerana terpaksa. and at the end, kita akan rasa nyesal, coz you’ve wasted most of your life doing something you hate (maaf magenta,pinjam lagi words kamu.)

the only thing that i hate in life is regret. aku xsuka berasa menyesal. aku akui,banyak perkara yang aku wat salah. tapi,aku xrasa menyesal. aku wat banyak sangat perkara jahat kat skool dulu,sampai semua dok basuh aku ramai2 dalam bulatan kat pangkor dulu. (still remember la weyh!) tapi,one thing is,aku xnyesal. yela,dulu kena la wat nyesal coz wt mende jahat kan? tapi aku rasa its one of my experience kat skool yang aku xkan lpe sampai bila2. ok,skunk aku rasa aku dah melalut dah ni. neway,aku xnk nanti aku akan menyesal. nyesal napa aku xikut kata hati. nyesal napa aku xcuba kejar cita2 aku sendiri. that's my whole point here. aku nak pastikan yang idup aku xpenuh dengan penyesalan. biarlah apa pun yang orang kata,janji aku puas. aku nak belajar sesuatu yang buat aku rasa,bestnye. even its just a simple stuff,janji aku puas. sound simple,but possible ke? mesti ada gak sumthing yang xkena dan xbetol kan?

either way,aku still lagi confius dengan sume ni. n of coz,my mom xkesah dengan pe je keputusan aku. asalkan,aku belajar. entahla. aku cukup pening. ada gak kawan aku yang mengalami dilemma yg sama. hurm. pening pening.

nothing much

blergh!

blergh!

blergh!

aku sangat bosan.

yup. dan juga lapar.

neway,ptg kang nk g mkn steamboat dgn clazmate.

dah 4 hari berturut-turut aku mkn luar ni.

dus!

makin susutla duit aku.

thanz kawan-kawan.

zero

aku rasa xde mood tok taip apa2. xde mood tok share anything. nada. xtau npe,tp aku rasa sume pun rasa cam2. member2 aku ramai dah xupdate pape. maybe bulan posa tahun ni mmg xmenarik sampai sume pun rasa mende yang sama? aku pun xtau. rasa empty. padahal bulan ni kan banyak pahala dan amalan yang patut kita buat.

teruknye rasa camni.




*p/s: susahla kalo hari-hari camni. luar cam happy,dalam? haaih~~

there he goes

if you love someone,
pain is never be the reason to let go.

*1sept09.1105am

I Love thee, I love but thee.
With a love that shall not die.
Till the sun grows cold, and the stars grow old.
~Bayard Taylor