Big Bad Wolf is back bitches

Big Bad Wolf is back!

 

Aku tak percaya cepat gila masa berlalu and now, here he comes! Okey, first for introduction, what is Big Bad Wolf? Bid Bad Wolf is super awesome events where they sell books for 80-90% off their real prices. The real owner of BBW also owns BookXcess. 

BookXcess has the same concept however, it is not mass produced as BBW. The prices are lower than average bookstores (still cheap, you could get books for rm20+ when all the other bookstores sell those at rm30++). I went there before and I must say I’m quite satisfied. Not good at explaining so check The Malaysian Reader’s blog and see for yourself. 

Okey. Back to BBW. 

Since I went there before, I feel obligated to give a few tips for those who wanted to go. There’s a few thing you could do before going to BBW. As one would say, a battle will be lost without a proper preparation. 

Before going :

1. You have to know that there’s thousands (in fact, BBW announce it will be MILLIONS) of books there. Nak tak nak mesti rambang mata. With all those cheap prices, who could resist? So kena prepare dulu buku apa nak dengan surf website BBW : http://bigbadwolfbooks.com/ . The website gives nothing but the title of the name and the writer. So kalau nak tengok buku ni best ke tidak, do like what I did. 

i.                  Surf for any books that might catch your eyes.

The Boy Who Could See Demon? Interesting….

ii.                   Got your title? Then surf into GoodReads.com and search for your book.

iii.                  Interested? Put it in a list so that you won’t forget.

Easy peasy. But you have to remember, there are thousands of books that are not listed in here. So be prepared to spend some more money than you budget. Who knows what you will find there.

2. Wear your battle outfit. No high heels or anything that made you uncomfortable. Remember, you are going to a battle. Long hours of hunting and possibility of pushing through a lot of people just browse some books.

3. Bring big case (or roller bag, anything you fancy). Because after paying they’ll give you this cheap (easily rip) plastic bag and you’ll need something tougher than that to hold you books. Well if you are going by car then it’s no problem. But for me who gonna use the public transportation, I might wanna be more careful about this. Taknak la nanti buku rosak pulak kan

During the battle:

1. While you are browsing for books, please please please be nice to other people. You have to remember that other people wanted the books in a nice condition too. Too many people browse around for books, and then THEY GOT GREEDY. They take every book possible and then when they decided not to buy them, they just put it somewhere else. Susah sangat ke nak bagi kat staff yang ada. KAN KE SUSAH UNTUK ORANG LAIN AMEK BUKU TERSEBUT? KENAPA SELFISH SANGAT?!

And the other thing is, bila browse buku, tak reti nak letak buku tu balik elok-elok. I mean come on. That’s the reason why I didn’t want to go on weekends. I’m expecting to see people who touch every book and then placed it wrongly. Abes terlipat-lipat buku tu. I probably end up as BBW staffs, handling the books and placing them back.

2. Last year, when I went to BBW for the first time, I was so overwhelmed for the massive cheap books and I grab every book possible. (I’m GUILTY AS CHARGED). So eventually your books won’t be enough. As a solution,  the smart wolf provides a counter and boxes, for us to drop our books there and continue hunting other books.

 Picture courtesy from here

And lastly, happy hunting! I wish you the best hunting possible and may the rest of your life (until the next BBW) be filled with books and excitement! :D

Without You

I want you to be brave.
to have faith in yourself.I want you to be strong and believe in your decisions.
never regret, never look back.
there's nothing frighten me more than the thought of someday,
when you look back in this moment, and you start to think,
"how I regret the decision I made that day".

your decision may hurt someone, and you have to know that it is okay.
It's okey to be selfish sometimes.
It's okay.
It's okay even if it's me you've hurt.

I want you to live your life proudly, even though it not as big as anyone else,
even though it is just a small achievement,
I want you to know that I'm so proud of you.

I want you to always live in your dream.
To be running and climbing one step after another,
with nothing stopping you,
I want you to live your life to the fullest.
sky is the limit.
to climb every mountain,to finish every task.
even though it hurts, I don't want you to quit.

Things happened. they just do.
and sometimes we are weak.

I want you to know that I can be your strength.
even if we are apart,
I can be there when you need me.
I'll be your back bone.
even if your heart can't take it anymore, I will.
I want you to know that you are never alone.
you have me.
and I have you.

and I'll be just right here.
waiting.

They all think I have it all.
I've nothing without you.
All my dreams and all the lights mean
Nothing without you.

Without You - Lana Del Rey

Sang Bohemian

Aku baca buku ni dah lama. Dari bulan 7. dah aku masih terkesan bila sewaktu membalut buku ni, dan menyelak helaian demi helaian, melompat satu bab ke bab yang lain. Buku ini diolah dengan hampir sempurna. Lompatan cerita ke cerita yang lain amat menarik. Bagi aku tiada cacat cela. Kisah Tirani, perwatakan beliau, menarik. Seperti sang bohemian. Kau tahu apa itu Bohemian?

Bohemianism is the practice of an unconventional lifestyle, often in the company of like-minded people, with few permanent ties, involving musical, artistic, or literary pursuits. In this context, Bohemians may be wanderers, adventurers, or vagabonds.

 Unconventional lifestyle. Lari dari norma kehidupan. Kau bagitahu aku, siapa yang sanggup mengutip tin kosong di tepi dewan makan, di tepi Seksyen 2, untuk menyara hidup? Siapa yang tak kesah asalkan rezeki itu halal? Dan fikiran Tirani... Mengagumkan. Aku suka lelaki sepertinya. Scruffy. Kau tahu bagaimana lelaki scruffy?

The twist in this story was just amazing. It still amazes me. Aku terbuai dengan keindahan kata-kata penulis, memahami pandangan Tirani dan setiap tingkah laku. Penulis bijak menyusun setiap langkah,setiap peristiwa supaya ianya kelihatan tersusun,membongkar setiap peristiwa yang membawa ke arah peristiwan yang lain. Setiap ayat yang diolah menarik, penuh puitis sehingga membawa pembaca masuk ke dalam alam khayalan. Bait-bait yang sangat menarik. Aku tertanya-tanya kenapa buku sebegini tak dapat perhatian yang sepatutnya. Adakah sebab dia bukan dari Fixi so it wasn't cool enough? It was a really good book. Kenapa buku ini langsung tidak dikomersialkan dengan lebih pesat? Kalaulah aku tak jumpa. Kalaulah tangan memilih buku lain. Kalaulah terjadi sesuatu sehingga terpaksa dibatalkan pembelian. Tentulah aku akan melepas membaca sebuah karya menarik. Such a shame. I know this is just my opinion but my taste never fails me. Please, go and buy this book. Understands it. Feel the emotion. Read.

Crossroads

i'm in a crossroads,
which path should i take
i'm in crossroads,
which road should i break.

fighting the demon inside me,
watch the brutality
watch the cruelty
while maintaining my sanity

grass is always greener
will they always be

i will not hate anyone else,
except me.

POPULAR banning Fixi's HILANG and MURTAD

So did you hear about POPULAR banning Fixi’s books; HILANG and MURTAD. As an avid reader of Fixi’s line of books, of course I do have my own opinion in this matter. But first, we have to understand there are always two sides of a story. So for those who didn't got a clue on what i'm about to jibber jabber, Fixi’s got a letter from POPULAR, saying that they won’t sell MURTAD and HILANG because of the obscene words which are not suitable for the so-called “good society” we live in. How ironic is it when this are the society who display a scene from, shall I say, ‘porn clip’ in front of the newspaper and all over the news once? So for those who are lazy enough to click here for the actual letter POPULAR gave to Fixi, I shall put some excerpt of it. 

Oleh itu setelah dikaji, kita dapati beberapa perkataan kesat yang ada di dalam buku ini tidak sesuai untuk bacaan remaja mahupun dewasa. Antara perkataannya adalah seperti yang terkandung dalam muka surat :

Buku Murtad :

a) M/S 9, perenggan 1, "Haram jadah, bangang juga si Adudu tu."

b) M/S 9, perenggan ke 3 "Herr celaka betoi".

c)  M/S 11, perenggan ke 7 "Pergi Mampos la sial!."

d) M/S 12, perenggan ke 5 "Engkau, sama lelaki tua tu...Boleh pergi mampos"

e) M/S 82, perenggan 1 "Cilaka Boleh. Aku dah kata dah...aku dah kata dah.

 f) M/S 85, perenggan 3 "Ini kalau abang aku tau yang teloq aku ada kat telinga, sahih dia gelak kaw-kaw punya kat aku. Nak haram betoi!"

Buku Hilang :

a) M/S 167, perenggan 7 "Kuat betul drug yang Ikhsan bagi aku semalam.  Sekarang aku cakap ada ritma".

b) M/S 199, perenggan 4 "Kadang-kadang mulut kau ni macam celaka kan? Harap-harap ko dapat bini kaki pukul".

c) M/S 225, perenggan 5 "Payu dara dibiarkan tidak bertutup, lalu berayun-ayun bila dia berjalan menghampiri meja solek".

d) M/S 229, dialog "cipetlah kau" maki Jo sebelum dia memelapkan mata.

Seperti yang kita sedia maklum, walaupun dalam masyarakat kita hari ini ramai orang Melayu yang sudah berfikiran moden atau urban, namun saya percaya di luar sana masih ramai lagi memegang teguh pada ajaran agama islam dan mempunyai nilai-nilai murni dan berakhlak mulia.

Okey first of all, banning a book for these sorts of words is ridiculous. I’ve read those two books, and I shall say, (even though MURTAD does have a lot of cursing) MURTAD and HILANG is such a good book. The storyline, the mystery and the excitement. Sorry to say but most the local books here in Malaysia lack those fine quality. So why ban it? I mean, for such a subtle use of such word, plus it doesn’t really imply a real curse words. The character in those books are just saying that things, well because it is normal for human being to curse. This is what our books lack of. The use of human being in a real normal life. Honestly, do you think for example, a normal human being does not curse at all? Never say bad words, not even once in his/her life? Seriously? And it wasn’t even that bad. For me, I do consider this as normal. Is my environment of living bad? I don’t think so. Even tv nowadays are showing us too much of these stuff. You couldn’t really pinpoint the use of bad words only to the books.

Secondly, although I do not support the banning of MURTAD and HILANG, I do not entirely on #teamFixi. Yes, as you can see I’ve almost all of their books, and of course some of it are good, and some of it I can’t even recommend it to my friends. One particular book that I do not really understand the whole purpose of publishing it was CEKIK. Seriously, I don’t condemn people who wrote it. Based on the author lineage of books he wrote, well he do wrote some worthy books like AMERIKA. But not CEKIK.  No. Malaysia are not ready for CEKIK. No, I’m wrong. I am not ready for CEKIK. does it have some super artistic touch in it? I don’t know. But what I do know is this, the scenes in CEKIK are too steamy, and too explicit. The ending was weird enough, and it was a wonder for me why did CEKIK got published. I didn’t understand the plot; I did not see the point of the story. Was it mystery? Was it about life? Honestly I don’t know. What I do remember after reading CEKIK was this; it was so full of sex scenes and the scenes was detailed. Yup, that’s what I remembered.

So later in this night, I’ve read Fixi’s tweet on MAYBE they are not going to continue Fixi’s lineage. Probably they gonna stop publishing any new books or not. It depends. My opinion (thus concludes this sorta pointless debate in myself) is this

1. Fixi is a good way to introduce reading to Malaysian. People are getting tired with too much novels which only tell a story about love,love,love. I had enough. Does it ever make you wonder why Malaysian is such a lazy reader? I have a theory. Maybe, just maybe, Malaysian are NOT LAZY to read, but the only available (or worthy enough) books to read are in English. And to finish it up is such a hassle which is why they prefer not to read anything. By Fixi’s great effort to introduce a so-called urban/pulp kind of books, it opened up opportunities to Malaysian to read more, understand a lot more. Thus Fixi’s have a great responsibility to change people mindset isn’t it? This is why we shall go back to my second point, of filtering the contents inside the books they’ve published.

 

2. Fixi is a good way for talented people, such as Khairulnizam Bakeri (author of PECAH,whom I admire so much), kak Dayang Noor (author of HILANG,JERAT) , Nuril Basri (author of DOSA), and others to shine. If, for example, FIxi’s gonna terminate their work, it would be such a shame for Malaysian, to have lost a great deal of opportunity to witness a masterpiece in literature. Maybe, if they were to continue their publishing, maybe we could somehow produce a line of great work, great author who will come out with such a great storyline. Who knows right?

this is such a lengthy post i don't know whether you people are still with me or not. So for those who've been reading these shit till the end, i must congratulate you. With the grammatical errors here and there, i now conclude my case with this statement, Fixi must survive and adapt to the changes that they are faced with. Because, without realizing it, Fixi has become a trend (or a culture, if you insist) to society now. If you can achieve that sort-of title in a few years, then whether you like it or not, you have to bear this responsibility. Filtering the works of 'bakal-penulis' is not limiting creativity at all. Just remember that you have these social responsibility and you should think on a bigger picture.

With that, I rest my case. Thank you.

Sepucuk Pistol di Dalam Laci

"Anis?"
"Ya, Harun?"
"Maafkan aku."

***

aku baru usai (atau selesai) menghabiskan buku ini. It was so good, that i urge myself to write about it instantly. i must truly say that i do feel satisfied with this book. funny, simple, sempoi, imaginative. tapi, bila sampai waktu dan masa untuk serious, kamu akan rasa kesungguhan penulis yang cuba menyampaikan hati dan perasaan nya. ada waktu yang aku betul-betul gelak, sampai menangis, dan buka mukusurat yang seterusnya, aku terdiam, menghayati watak dan suasana dan cerpen tersebut.

cerita dalam buku ini simple, but deep enough for the readers to understand the feelings involved dan pembaca mampu membayangkan sendiri bagaimana perjalanan cerita dan suasana ketika satu-satu peristiwa itu berlaku. seperti contoh dalam cerpen Istana Kres, aku dapat bayangkan bagaimana pulau itu,perjalanan menaiki bot dan dari gambaran yang begitu sedikit itu kita boleh dapat tahu apa sebenarnya yang terjadi.

how do i say this? The writer are good with his word. he sketch the rough edges and we ourselves will be able to draw every fine details that associates with the story. Seolah-olah aku diajar untuk meneroka alam fantasi aku sendiri. hah!

i love how Sanolo act in this book. dia seperti harapan palsu yang diberikan pada manusia dan saya suka pertembungan antara Sanolo dan Harun. dan cerita bagaimana Saka dan Rais. dalam 'Keganasan Pendekar Gajah', kita dapat lihat perkembangan watak Pendekar yang mulanya dianggap sebagai tidak berdosa, dan akhirnya menjadi syaitan itu sendiri. dan pada masa yang sama,'Kebetulan' adalah sangat kelakar. Begitu juga dengan 'Gerai Pak Ali'. ah yang penting tidak ada satu cerita pun yang aku tak suka dalam buku ini!

a very recommended book!

****

honestly i must say that i never really prefer a Malay book. Aku terlalu dihadapkan dengan kisah-kisah Alaf 21, kisah cinta yang begitu mengada-ngada macam cekerarama tv3, dan pulak tiba-tiba ada halangan orang ketiga. Aku tak pernah mempunyai buku novel melayu sebelum ini. kenapa harus aku beli sedangkan cousin aku sndiri mempunyai longgokan yang super banyak kat rumah dia. itu pun tak berabis untuk aku teroka.

Most of my collections were in English, that is until I discovered 'Pecah'. (Ni dah masuk ke berapa kali saya promote Pecah. Korang tak beli jugak tak tahu la). Start dari situ, baru la terbukak hati nak beli Fixi. dan Sepucuk Pistol di Dalam Laci (panjang gila nama dia) adalah buku terbitan Sang Freud Press yang pertama aku beli. IT WAS WORTH IT. :)

Kenapa aku boleh tergerak hati nak beli buku ni? Sebab aku dah lama gila baca blog penulis dia, Hadi M Nor di sini. Walaupun update jarang-jarang, (kalau awak baca ni Hadi, ni saya nak bagitau awak hapdate JARANG-JARANG BETUL sekarang ye), tapi setiap cerpen dia kelakar. dan seronok. Imaginasi dia.........tinggi. Itu aku kagum. haha

Kenapa seronok? sebab dialog bersahaja dan sempoi. honestly. kalau aku tengok drama, even baca novel, ayat terasa.....skema gila. macam tak betul. Macam palsu. tapi dalam buku ni, ayat semua...normal. Macam kau dengar orang bercerita pada kau. Ah! dah sepuluh kali kata seronok! KALAU KORANG TAK BELI JUGAK SIAP LA! <<<--- dasar suka memaksa

Saya doakan rakan-rakan yang eager gila nak beli Sepucuk Pistol ni lepas baca blogpost saya dapat beli buku ini. Sebab...sebab buku ni terhad! Terhad gila. Geram rasanya. Mana jual kat kedai buku mainstream. buku ni hipster okey! Hanya terdapat di tempat-tempat yang tertentu seperti facebook Sepucuk Pistol dan juga tempat yang jual buku-buku Lejen dan Sang Freud Press. Saya pun beli masa Pesta Buku Selangor 2012. Oh ya pesta buku still berlangsung kat SACC (yg dewan okey bukan sacc mall) sampai 9 Julai 2012 ni. Good luck!

saja nak berlagak letak hasil belian kat Pesta Buku Selangor. :DD

Fixi.

Since aku collect (almost!) all buku Fixi, so aku rasa aku nak bagi ranking buku yang paling wajib ada dalam korang punya almari. list ni termasuk lah yang wajib "perlu ada sangat dan kalau tak pernah baca rasa rugi la sebab terlepas satu fiction yang awesome" sehinggalah buku Fixi yang (maybe) a little bit of meh~

*this is a one lengthy hell of a post. get the hell out if you are too lazy to read*

1. Pecah
kalau ada orang yang datang tanya aku, "apa buku Fixi yang kau recommend kan?", first thing in mind is Pecah. Pecah is awesome, mind-blowing and just plain cool. Okey, i was a bit exaggerating over there, but it is true. Pecah was a great choice to start Fixi's line of books.

What does Pecah contains? hurm.. action, a lil bit of love, thriller (?) and others. wrote about it months ago, so kindda lazy to talk about it again. You can read the review in here, if you like. It's my top/number 1 recommendation. Why it was so important to get this book? well first, Pecah itself dah lari dari norma buku-buku novel melayu biasa kat Malaysia ni. I mean like come on, stok buku novel melayu semua stok buku cinta kot. Who can honestly say they saw one Malay book (fiction of course) which does not highlighting love story as the main attraction? Yeah maybe some of them are different, such as Faisal Tehrani, Haji Awang Murshid, but not much right? 

 ...and this one. I saw this book at Kinokuniya's Asian Literature. 

kindda intriguing but didn't have enough money at that time. 

It said "Step aside Horatio, Mislan's here." how cool was that?!

But there's only one thing frustrates me more than a crappy book. PECAH KELUAR HARDCOVER OI. and the hardcover are waaaaayyyy cooler than the previous ones. dammit! i am so jelly. Dahla aku beli buku Pecah time tu kertas dia still pakai kertas putih! Urgh! jeles!

dammit! cool gila! aarrgghhh!!!! *tarik-tarik rambut*

2.Dosa

I don't know about you guys but Dosa is definitely one of the top books i've read.Wrote about it too, on the synopsis and the characters inside it, in here. Just like what i said in the review, permulaan buku ini agak bosan. TAPI BERTAHAN. sebab bila korang dah biasa dengan lenggok dan permainan bahasa Nuril Basri (author of Dosa), makin lama makin selesa. sebab buku ini bukan tentang cinta. Ia tentang persahabatan, tentang bond of brothers, dan sebagainya. Serious, bila aku habis baca buku ni, terasa terharu, it was like a great adventure has come to an end. Seronok sangat.

Why you must buy this book? Because it showed humanity. It showed remorse, blood bond between humans, how life often throws the worst at you, and how the character turns it around. Sudah-sudah la dengan cerita cinta tu. Mari baca buku yang mengajar tentang erti kehidupan sekejap. hahahahaha

There's only one thing that makes me intrigues till now. I wanna see 'the making of' this book cover. Looking at the cover, korang tak rasa curious ke nak tahu macam mana diorang shoot gambar tu? hahahahahahhaha :D

3. Bisik

Well, I do like Bisik. I guess one of the suitable theme song for Bisik is Stan by Eminem. haha not much over the lyrics, but the concept. you got me? you got me? yeah okey forget it.

Bisik? apa yang menarik? Tema psychological digunakan dalam ni. dan yang paling awesome, cara-cara bunuh orang yang agak detail, buat aku boleh imagine dengan latar-latar belakang sekali. haha Cool gila! Although the ending was kindda expected, but it was cool enough to made me put it in the top 3. hahaha

i like the cover. it was my most favourite cover in all of Fixi's books.

well actually ada lagi point yang nak letak but i was too lazy. STILL, you have to buy this one.  beli!

4. Kelabu

I guess kelabu was worth the read, for it was the most heavy and thick novel compared to all the other novels in Fixi. For those yang tak minat cerita pasal bunuh-bunuh, rompak-rompak, kawan-kawan, anda disarankan baca buku ni. Penceritaan yang agak detail, tapi tidak bosan.

Plot dalam cerita ni berkembang dengan baik. Kita dapat lihat perkembangan karakter Amir, macam mana dia handle satu-satu situation, dan dari situ kita boleh judge sendiri macam mana personaliti dia. Aku boleh kata yang aku shock dengan revelation in the middle of the story. penulis tiba-tiba bagitau kebenaran with a casual manner. aku macam "HEKELEH!" serious. itu ayat yang aku keluarkan once dah tahu. dammit! tertipu! haha

wajib beli oi! hahaha


Actually Fixi ada banyak lagi buku yang best. But as usual i am too lazy to write up about it. kat atas kata nak tulis semua kan? kan? kan? pemalas!

So yeah, this is my top 4 Fixi recommended books. I am not eligible to talk about it since i haven't done reading Ngeri & Invasi, plus i didnt buy Licik yet, coz you know, money problem. But other than that, i guess I've read almost 80% of Fixi's books, excluding Licik n SiTora. Haiiihhhh~~ nanti nak keluar Hilang and Murtad plak. duit! turun dari langit cepat! :)

a very short story

Took a knife and stabbed myself

"Why?"
"Because this pain isn't enough"
"enough of what?"
"To wake me up from this horrible dream"

Took a scissor and cut my own face.

"Why would u do that?"
"To remind everyone of their pain when they look at my face"

Took a gun and point it between my eyes.

"Why?"
 "Because i had enough"
"Of what?"
"Of me"


"Why are you so messed up?"
"Cause when you are no longer here,i am no longer myself"

bye-bye

There he goes
There he goes again
He calls my name,
Pulls my train
No one else could heal my pain
And I just can't contain
This feeling that remains

 There she he goes - Sixpence None the Richer

p/s : i really love that picture. he coincidentally turned around when i snapped, thus making it looked like he was posing.

Dosa #2

aku rasa buku ini permulaan nya agak bosan. dengan gaya bahasa Indonesia, yang pada mulanya aku ingat sudah di translate menjadi BM sepenuhnya. tapi memang aku silap. masih ada lenggang lenggok bahasa Indonesia dalam buku ni. bukan masih ada, memang menggunakan gaya dan cara percakapan dari sana. dan buku ini adalah buku Fixi yang pertama ada senarai definisi bahasa di bahagian depan (which i think should be at the back, but putting it in front reminds the reader about the existence of it, which is good).

bila sangkaan pertama aku silap, dan gaya bahasa lain dari yang lain, aku terasa buku ini amatlah susah untuk dihabiskan. Seperti permulaan aku membaca buku Tenggelamnya Kapal Van Der Wijck, gaya bahasa Dosa seperti melayu lama dan aku seringkali tersengguk-sengguk untuk menghabiskan chapter 1,2 dan 3. Tapi bagi aku semua itu perlu. perlu untuk memahami siapa itu Ricky. dari mana dia datang dan macam mana Ricky mendapat semangat dan maksud sebenar tingkah laku dia.

then came Paris. i like him. dia seperti seekor anak kucing yang tersesat, mencari sesuatu untuk berpaut. dengan Paris, aku rasa dia antara watak yang menarik dalam cerita ini. bukan untuk memenuhi nafsu, cuma mencari tempat bergantung. seperti anak kucing, dia nampak moden dan manja, tetapi dia naif. seperti anak kucing yang tersesat.

Yusuf adalah anak manja, yang hanya mahu kehendaknya dipenuhi. jiwa kering, melakukan apa saja asalkan kemahuan tercapai. memang sifat anak manja, seperti setiap adik di dunia ini, agak mementingkan diri tapi masih boleh diterima dan dikasihi.

Oskar. lelaki macho dan perkasa. melindungi dan memerhati. seperti seorang abang yang sebenar, ego nya tinggi tapi masih ambil kisah. Oskar watak yang memberi gambaran dia lah seorang lelaki yang sejati, hanya melihat dan mengawasi dari jauh. seperti malaikat, melindungi.

cerita bagaimana 4 watak menjalani hidup, bagaimana 4 kisah menjadi satu. ini bukan cerita cinta, bukan tentang nafsu, tapi tentang kehidupan, persahabatan. a very nice book.

susah pada mulanya, tapi lama-lama kamu akan biasa, dan dapat mengikut rentak alunnya, dan hargai bagaiman penghabisannya.

Dosa

who would've guess that I've won? I didn't. 

bila Fixi announce yang diorang akan buat contest untuk peraduan buku Dosa karya Nuril Basri, aku rasa macam nak join. Macam setiap novel yang Fixi publish sebelum ni, aku sentiasa rasa nak mencuba untuk menulis. Tapi ilham tak pernah datang. It was my first time sending anything to Fixi, plus ramai gila orang yang hantar cerpen untuk bertanding. 32 orang kot! haha you can read it if you want.

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#1

Penulis: Azyan Azilah

Aku tahu. Aku tahu ini bukan norma biasa. Aku faham yang masyarakat tak pernah mengerti apa yang aku lakukan. Aku tak memaksa sesiapa untuk terlibat dalam kancah ini. Mereka tidak faham. Ini bukan tentang nafsu semata. Ini tentang kepercayaan. Tanpa kepercayaan yang kuat,perkara sebegini takkan dapat dilakukan. Tanpa rasa percaya pada partner mereka, segala tindak tanduk dianggap meluah rasa benci di dada.

 

Mereka tidak faham. Mereka tak akan faham. Mereka bertanya, apa yang aku dapat?

Ianya seperti ectasy bila aku mendengar erangan kesakitan yang dia jeritkan. Seperti seolah-olah aku disambar halilintar. Mengasyikkan. Membuatkan aku high. Pabila dia menjerit,membuatkan aku ingin memukulnya lagi. Biarkan bontot itu merah dengan pukulan tapak tangan ku. Biarkan dia berbekas. Aku mahu ia berbekas. Merah seperti saga pabila segala darah berkumpul di kawasan itu. Merah seperti mukanya yang menahan malu.

Aku mahu dia rasa malu. Aku mahu dia rasa seperti dirinya tidak berguna. Seperti sekeping daging yang busuk. Cabut semua ilmu,tarik segala pangkat dan harta,apa yang kau tinggal? Hanya seketul daging bernyawa. Daging yang tidak berguna. Kau kata yang dirimu sempurna,sedangkan hatimu penuh dengan kebencian. Kau senyum sedangkan kau merasa jelik dengan perangai manusia. Kononnya kau memandang sesuatu dengan positif. Huh! Itu semua tipu! Aku tahu kau benci dengan segalanya. Orang memandang kau tinggi padahal kau sebenarnya hina! Kau sepatutnya malu dengan dirimu! Manusia yang berpura-pura,memakai topeng malaikat sedangkan kau syaitan.

Menangis!

Menangis lagi kerana kau seharusnya benci diri kau. Aku mahu kau menjerit dalam kesakitanmu itu, menangis dalam teriakan mu,supaya kau sedar yang tanpa semua itu kau manusia hina. 

Jeritlah! Jerit sekuat hatimu!

Biar satu dunia tahu betapa hina nya diri mu. Betapa kau rasa jijik dengan tubuhmu.

Menangis lagi. Menangis sepuas hatimu.

Dan ketahuilah, disebalik hinaan mu itu, aku tetap menyayangimu.

Aku tahu. Aku tahu ini bukan norma biasa. Aku tahu aku berdosa. Ini bukan tentang nafsu semata. Ini tentang satu ikatan, tentang rasa kasih dan cinta kita berdua.

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 and here's the judge (Nami, owner of Teh Tarik Gelas Besar and author of novel Bayang, co-author Kitab Terfaktab dan penulis the ever famous novel Awek Chuck Taylor)

 Saya memilih pemenang tempat pertama kerana saya terkesan dengan nilai-nilai existentialism yang ada dalam karangan tersebut. Tanpa ilmu, pangkat dan harta, manusia hanya seperti seketul daging busuk. Ia tidak memiliki apa-apa makna - bila manusia tidak meletakkan makna. Tapi apakah makna ilmu, pangkat dan harta tersebut? Itu saya fikirkan bila membaca karangan ini. Bagi saya, karangan ini berceritakan tentang seks yang mungkin menceritakan tentang 'doogie style'. Mungkin anal, mungkin. Tetapi hubungan seksual jenis ini sebenarnya bukanlah tabu bagi saya - apa yang saya terkesankan ialah nilai-nilai existentialism yang cuba dibangkitkan dalam karangan ini.

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..............doggie style? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Cerpen aku ni bukanlah mengenai nafsu seks semata2. Tapi aku cuba explore konsep sadist dan masochist. Kalau tengok dalam Wiki 

the terms sadism and masochism describe a personality type characterized by the actor or actress deriving pleasure and gratification from inflicting physical pain and humiliation (sadism) and the sacred need of the expression of judgement, punishment, and from suffering pain and humiliation upon the self (masochism)

Sadist,seorang yg suka melihat penyeksaan dan penderitaan orang lain. Sebab tu dia cuba memukul pasangan nya dan mendera mental dengan melontarkan kata-kata hina. Tapi bukanlah bermakna dia ni seorang yg kejam. Dia syg kan partner nya tapi dengan cara ini,melihatkan kasih syg dia. Itu yg dia cuba sampaikan. 

Masochists tend to be very specific about the types of pain they enjoy, preferring some and disliking others. Many behaviors such as spanking, tickling and love-bites contain elements of sado-masochism. Even if both parties legally consent to such acts this may not be accepted as a defense against criminal charges

Masochist pula,loves pain,yg dimana dia menahan cacian dari S,dan percaya yang S hanya cuba memahami diri dia,dan walau sebesar mana dosa dia,S menerima dia seadanya. Tanpa kepercayaan.hubungan macam ni takkan berjaya.

Usually these kind of thing selalu ada dalam partner pasangan hidup masing-masing. That's why aku boleh faham la kalau orang nak relatekan dengan seks. Tapi, tak semestinya setiap hubungan itu ada kaitan dengan seks kan. It's about trust. Kalau kau tak percayakan partner kau, macam mana kau nak bagi kebenaran kat dia untuk pukul kau & etc? haha 

Sounds ecchi but yeah these kind of thing wujud la. That's why ada yang keluar surat khabar husband masukkan terung kat ehem ehem bini dia la, whatever shit. Masyarakat Asia masih lagi memandang taboo mende2 macam ni, that's why the act of BDSM ni agak close. Seriously, i don't think most of us even know about this right? But in Japan, diorang memang agak open dan faham apa tu S&M. One question remains. How do I know bout S&M? 

Well, to quote The Malaysian Reader, "I read books because YOU don't want to!" 

pedas kan? haha aku pun terasa sikit. LOL btw, siapa yang rasa nak explore buku-buku novel mana yang best (especially english novels), dan asyik tanya aku mana satu buku yang okey everytime pergi kedai buku sebab nak beli buku baru pastu taknak pulak tu beli buku yang aku recommend, korang boleh pergi kat The Malaysian Reader ni sebab dia BANYAK GILA baca buku dan dia akan review setiap buku yang dia baca. So maybe korang akan jumpa buku-buku yang interesting gak la. Then buat la account GoodReads.com pastu kita boleh share buku sama-sama! :D

 p/s : hasil menang cerpen, dapat buku free dari Fixi! yay! 

bookfessions

usually reading wins

I just discovered Bookfessions. hah!

Bunohan

I don’t think I am eligible to critique something that I don’t understand. However, from my humble point-of-view, it was an OK movie. The cinematography, the scenery, every character in those story, everything comes together in the end. Although many sighed and snickered as they came out of the cinema, Bunohan does left an impression on me, on how greedy can brings out the worst in anyone. My presumption was wrong unfortunately. I did think Bunohan as an action movie, which I shouldn’t, because it isn’t. 

I prefer to think of it as a way to bring out something new in Malay cinematography, rather than stupid jokes and ghost stories. Songlap is a good example of that. I regret it so much that I didn’t able to at least go to the cinema and try to contribute something to an awesome movie like Songlap, however insignificant my contribution will be. Back to Bunohan. The movie will be purely in Kelatanese, and somehow in the middle of the movie, everyone sitting next to me starting to speak in Kelantanese. 

All I'm trying to say it Bunohan is a good intention of bringing theatrical drama into Malay cinema. But will it work? I’ll leave that to you. Go and watch to find out. 

p/s : that scruffy image of Faizal Hussein is really manly. I think I might fell in love with him. :)